Courtship can be mussy , even for future president . And while we often bemoan the loss of those days when youthful indiscretions were observe undocumented , the letters of the pre - technology era can offer a similarly cringeworthy window into the plethora of our forefather . example in breaker point : Abraham Lincoln .
In 1838 , the 29 - yr - erstwhile Illinois state representative go on a pretender blind date set up by a “ groovy friend ” who fancied making him her brother - in - law . The date was n’t all blind — Lincoln had seen the sister some years before , and was cracking on this set - up as he comprehend her to be “ levelheaded and agreeable , and saw no good objection to plodding life through hand in hand with her . ”
But as often happens with matchmaking , things quickly went from slap-up to uncomfortable when Mary Owens did not look as Abe had call back her . His description is intimately read in its full form .
In other words , he was not pleased , but being the fellow that he was ( and yes , that ’s up for debate ) , Lincoln did the proper matter and went through with his agreement to particular date and potentially conjoin a woman he now reason to be one “ that no other man on earth would have . ” In doing so , he tells his friend Mrs. Orville H. Browning — the wife of a fellow appendage of the Legislature — that he resolve to look for Mary ’s incontrovertible attributes . He close that she had the finest facial expression despite her weight . Plus , he writes , she was bright , which was a higher value trait .
Then thing get very strange . In the missive , Lincoln write that he went away , during which time he gibe with Ms. Owens and in doing so felt even more resolved about her mind and purpose . Lincoln thenproposes , and the objective of his estrangement ? She declines . He asks again and again , blur at her answer , and finally present up “ humiliated . ”
He concedes to Mrs. Browning that he clearly never understood what Ms. Owens want and then , as any rebuffed suer does , begins to debate the possibleness that he ’s “ a little in love with her . ”
Lincoln ’s terminal intellection on the subject is perhaps the best of all , and it ’s one thatGroucho Marxwould appreciate : “ I have now come to the conclusion never again to recollect of marrying , and for this reason — I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me . ”
Of Lincoln , Mary Owenslater wrote , “ I think Mr. Lincoln was deficient in those lilliputian links which make up the mountain range of woman ’s happiness — at least it was so in my typeface . ” you may hardly blame her , as Lincoln ’s strange letters to her during their courting do seem to be a reflection of a conflicted man ( to put it generously ) . Reportedly , when Mrs. Browning later asked the president if she could divvy up the letter with a biographer , he denied permission because it wastoo full of verity . Ward Lamon agreed with the opinion , and when he made the letter public in his 1872 life story of Lincoln , he enunciate , “ For many reasons the publication of this missive is an extremely afflictive obligation . ”
Lincoln would become in use to 21 - year - sometime Mary Ann Todd two years after his marriage offer to Ms. Owens , but his family relationship troubles did n’t quite terminate there . Lincolnbroke off the engagementto Mary Todd at one point , saying he felt vile of her , but the pair settle in 1842 and were together until his death in 1865 .
To read the intact missive confirming that Abraham Lincoln was kinda just the bad ex - boyfriend in a romantic funniness , hop over toLapham ’s Quarterly .
